NewsCarnival

NewsCarnival’s very own ‘Officer Feisty,’ made a shocking discovery yesterday whilst scouring MySpace and FaceBook in search of children to abduct. First, she stumbled across a FaceBook group—“Cindy McCain Must Apologize To America For Her Dirty Duck Deeds”—that makes explosive allegations against aspiring first lady and renowned trollop, Cindy McCain. To our delight, the same group has also been established on MySpace.

The groups allege Cindy McCain’s affinity for prescription pain meds was not the main catalyst for “her first rehab stint.” Instead—they claim—Cindy’s family sent her to rehab after an incident “in early spring of 1991 on a family friend’s private lake in Arizona,” where “Numerous witnesses saw Cindy McCain flip over a surprisingly tame duck and insert several of her fingers into its private areas.”

The groups call for a full investigation into the alleged duck finger-fuck:

“This story might seem trivial, but don’t Americans have a right to know the extent of Cindy McCain’s drug-induced perversion? What other animals did she rape? Did she kill anyone? It’s impossible to know until the media conducts a proper investigation.”

The groups’ moderator, a 43-year-old Arizona woman named Lisa Shep, exclusively reveals to NewsCarnival—via FaceBook message—that though she did not personally witness Cindy McCain sexually assault the duck in question, she “was working in Arizona Republican politics at the time” and knows "many witnesses who did see Cindy’s dirty duck deeds with there [sic] own two eyes.” A more extensive NewsCarnival interview with Lisa shep is scheduled for later this week. We will keep you posted.

News Carnies unite and join these groups! Do whatever you can to spread these hilarious lies facts. Anything less, is a tacit endorsement of duck rape.

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